My Immortal 9/?

My Immortal

Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood

Summery: Ianto Jones isn't an ordinary Human. He needs answers. Only the right kind of Doctor can give him those answers. AU Cannon based season 2

Authors Notes: This is filler but it shows flashbacks from Cyberwoman, Cannibals and They Keep Killing Suzie also again MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH but not who you're probably thinking of.

Couples: Jack/Ianto, Tosh/Andy, Gwen/Rhys, Owen/Kathy, past Ianto/Lisa, Martha/Tom

Chapter Nine

Ianto was staring at Jack's body lying flat in the morgue. He bit his lip slightly and sighed. He'd sent everyone home even though Gwen had protested that she was second in command and now leader he quite frankly didn't care. He'd been in Torchwood far longer than she had he had seniority not her and this way she could find out how it was when they went against their orders. The others hadn't protested although Martha had looked although she had wanted to.

"You know- you were right." He found himself saying to Jack's body, "If I had been anywhere up to my usual standards I could have stopped this from being you." He put his fingers in Jack's now cold hands. It would have been me left completely unsaid.

"I haven't been coping." He admitted, "I haven't been coping for a long time you warned me something like this would happen and it did. I just never expected it would be you- not that I would wish this on any of the other team." He added quickly, "I can also see you now shaking your head at me and telling myself it's not my fault. I wasn't holding the weapon. I couldn't have known. Like with what happened with Lisa. You forgave me for that." He took a breath and he swallowed a sob.

"Yet, by travelling with the Doctor? I really should have realised that trying to save her was in fact a pointless issue." He said running his free hand through his hair as his mind flashed back.

Ianto Jones had lived a very long time yet he never had felt quite as terrible as he had at that very moment. He'd got one innocent person killed because of his thoughtlessness, because he couldn't handle losing someone that he cared about yet again.

He'd been staring at the same spot in his flat for the last half an hour. He'd been taken home by Owen and given strict instructions not to leave the flat as Jack was coming to talk to him. He snorted. It was going to be death or retcon and Jack was going to find out that he couldn't die and the amount of retcon that would have to be used to get rid of his memories of Torchwood would kill him and they'd be straight back in the same position.

He'd already locked himself in his bathroom and drowned himself to try and make himself at least forget his words to Jack earlier that day for a few moments. Jack wasn't the monster. Not by a long shot. He was the monster. The freak. The one who got people killed as soon as he let them get close to him.

"So, Ianto Jones what am I going to do with you?" Jack's cold voice nearly made him jump. He looked over at the door to see Jack studying him and he'd wondered how long Jack had been standing there. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard a sound but he refused to give Jack a reaction. Jack moved and sat opposite him

"You were right." Jack said gently causing him to look up at Jack from his self loathing, "we've never chosen to find out more information about you. I was so locked in of my hatred of Torchwood One that I forgot one thing- you weren't to blame for it. That it was Yvonne Hartman's fault not a archivist who wouldn't have had the faintest idea of what was happening."

"I just wanted to save her" Ianto found himself whispering, "she was so full of life and reminded me of-" He stopped suddenly realising that Jack had no idea he was related to a past companion and he wanted it to stay that way. As much as he resented the Doctor he wasn't about to put him in danger.

"Reminded you of?" Jack prodded.

"My cousin." He finally gave in, "She was so curious like her, accepted people right off the bat despite rumours that followed them she saw the good in people."

"Your cousin sounds like someone I knew once" Jack mused, then shook his head, "you do know it's not your fault right?"

"What do you mean?" Ianto questioned knowing that the Doctor wouldn't have seen it that way. The Doctor would have probably of become the famous or not so famous Oncoming Storm. Especially, after what had happened to his Cousin and Aunt.

"That Lisa wasn't your fault." Jack reiterated, "You wanted to save her. The Cyberwoman knew that and used that against you. That thing that you brought back to the hub? That wasn't your Lisa." Ianto choked back a sob and he felt Jack's arms around him.

"A very wise man once gave me a second chance, Ianto. A second chance I probably didn't deserve- especially after I nearly rewrote the course of human history as we know it." Jack flashed him a sheepish grin and Ianto suddenly wanted to know more of the story but knew it wasn't the time, "Ianto I'm giving you that second chance. However, I'm putting you on suspension. You need to heal away from Torchwood and Tosh, Owen and Gwen? They need to heal too." Ianto looked up at Jack noting that he hadn't included himself in that.

"I forgave you the moment I kissed you." Jack said and Ianto looked up causing him to study his captain. Jack's eyes held no doubt and Ianto had to fight everything to kiss him in response. He hadn't meant for all this to happen. All he had wanted to do was to save someone he cared about.

Ianto found talking to Jack therapeutic. The man wasn't giving him questions and he could finally let everything that's happened off his chest without the pitying feeling. Jack couldn't hear him logically he knew that however he just liked the thought of him standing there watching him.

"There were so many times that I nearly told you about being immortal you know? The first was right when I started. However, when it was clear you didn't know anything about me and that Tosh hadn't managed to hack into Yvonne's secure files- I just wanted a chance to be treated like I was normal again. I also nearly told you after the dreaded countryside mission, do you remember?"

There had been many things that Ianto Jones had seen in his lifetime but this? This was right up there with Cybermen and Daleks and it was caused by humans of all life forms. Maybe the Doctor was right and humans were all stupid apes. He was back at the hub pausing for a few moments to look at Jack who was studying a glass of scotch steadily.

"Sir," the person in question looked up in slight surprise.

"Ianto, I thought I told you to go home?"

"Didn't want to be by myself to be honest sir," Jack nodded and motioned to the chair in front of his desk.

"Take a seat. Do you want a scotch?" Ianto shook his head. He hadn't been a big drinker before The Doctor and now it was basically just water to him. It didn't have any effect on him anymore, "I'd ask you how you were but I think that would be a pointless thing. What can I do you for?" Ianto took a deep breath. This was it.

"I wanted to tell you something," Ianto said looking steadily at his Captain and suddenly he remembered Yvonne's reaction about finding out about him. The disbelief, the sneer and repulsiveness. He couldn't tell Jack. He selflessly didn't want to see the reaction on Jack's handsome face.

"Go on," Jack's voice broke Ianto's thoughts in a daze. He bit his lip and shook his head.

"I-" He paused, trying to think of something else, "I'm sorry for what happened with Tosh. He saw Jack's quizzical look at him and he ran his hand through his hair as he improvised, "I should have been paying more attention to my surroundings. I shouldn't of let her get captured in the first place."

"You got her out though." Jack pointed out, "you got her out without putting any thought to yourself. That makes up for it by a long run." Ianto made himself nod relieved that Jack had brought it.

"We did however talk about immortality once before however? Remember after the incident with Suzie? Well more precisely the morning after?" Ianto questioned with a slight smirk. He gave a soft sigh as he thought about Suzie.

"I wish I could have helped with Suzie too but I had been so focused on saving Lisa…" He trailed off, "anyway to get back to Suzie I suppose."

"Do you ever wish that you could live forever?" Ianto found himself asking as he lay next to Jack in bed trying not to give up the sense of making a quick get-a-way he wanted to stay longer. He wasn't sure if Jack wanted him to but he knew he felt the need to stay.

"That's a loaded question," Jack said looking at Ianto for a few moments, it seemed as though his Captain was debating on what to say, "I used to. I mean living forever? A con man's dream but then I met someone and realised that it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. Loosing people you care about? Ghosts from your past haunting you?" It was there Ianto wondered if Jack was talking about him and if he was implying that the Captain knew about Ianto however he continued, "when I was travelling with him I learnt so much and so much of what he went through I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy, I mean he's not going to live forever but he's well so dark rough around the edges that you have to wonder"

"So you wouldn't want to be immortal sir?" Ianto bit his lip wondering if he wanted to know the answer to this question, "I don't know." Jack finally said causing Ianto to look at Jack in surprise, "a part of me is saying for the right person? Yes I would be. If I was by myself no but if was with someone and neither of us would be losing them then- yes."

"You gave me a lot to think about that day Jack. I think I was on the verge of opening up to you when the whole Billis thing happened but I guess these things happen for a reason don't they? Suzie let myself start to open up to you if she hadn't of used the glove and if I-" Suddenly Ianto stopped dead in his tracks. The second glove. Why hadn't he of said that earlier? He could let the team say goodbye to Jack. He knew where it was it was why he had mentioned it to Jack back when they had been talking about gloves being in pairs.

"Sorry sir for cutting this short, but I'll be back soon." Ianto said getting up and straightening his tie he got up and went passed Martha and Owen –who he hadn't even realised, had come back, and he flashed them a brief smile.

"Don't do ANYTHING. No cutting, no autopsies. We need to say goodbye first" Ianto ordered, not listening as Martha began to protest as he ran out of the autopsy bay and out of the hub to hopefully somewhere who knew where the second glove was hiding. This was going to work he reasoned to himself. It was for the team.

It had to work.

To Be Continued.